I Feel Pretty: First Movie Pass Use

CAU: 3 (Pinoooooot Noooooir)

Hot Take: Yeah, okay. Good effort. (Sincerely, not snarky.)

I saw “I Feel Pretty” tonight, on a Monday, by myself because one of my girlfriends already saw it (by herself) and my husband took a pass, which was probably for the best.

The major takeaway from this movie was that it was produced for a very specific audience: women 18-35 who have experienced a certain level of self-loathing.

For context, if we’re gonna subscribe to the archaic, reductive, and pervasive 1-10 scale of female hotness, I identify somewhere close to the Amy Schumer(anytime)/Chelsea Handler(circa 2014) rating, whatever that may be. (2014, because CH is more fit now than she was then. Well played, Chelsea.)

All told, “I Feel Pretty” had a positive message, but the extensive level of physical self-dissatisfaction portrayed by Schumer, especially in the first and late-second acts, pulled me out of the movie. Instead of relating to someone I look at as a physical peer, I found myself being like, “pull it together, girl, you’re fine.”

Maybe that’s just me, but at the end of the day the level of insecurity got tedious. Which may be the entire message of the movie: confidence is interesting, insecurity is boring. However, there is quite a bit of insecurity in this movie, so be prepared for some moments of clock checking.

CAU:4 (Bud Light)

That said, now-a-days we have access to all the information in the world and if you haven’t figured out by your thirties that the “western standard of beauty” is a total fucking farce (see Kylie Jenner’s ass), then maybe that’s on you.

But if I say that, then I’m buying into the same premise that women who have attained confidence (whatever that means) are the only ones who will see themselves (and be seen) as truly beautiful—and there are like a billion barriers to a woman feeling beautiful. Maybe something happened in your past that’s getting in your way of feeling beautiful, and I’m not gonna shame you for that shit. What about the gals that, despite their best efforts, still feel unconfident?

Western standard of beauty tells women they’ll be confident if they’re beautiful enough, confident women tell insecure women they’re all beautiful, if they can just be confident. It’s a catch 22.

So, for this movie to work, you need to be just the right amount of self-loathing, and just the right amount of confident. If you’re not within that narrow margin, then it misses the mark.

The way it shakes out is some kind of bildungsroman (which is a fancy way of saying “coming-of-age story” but I have to use my English degree somehow) for a woman in her thirties (which I realize in New York is tantamount to Midwestern twenties), but if you’re not within the aforementioned narrow margin of self-image, it makes the story a little difficult to relate to. So, yeah, okay. Good effort. (Sincerely, not snarky.)

It’s worth a watch on HBO or Netflix. Unless, like me, you feel the need to support Schumer at the box office. Because…you know…sisters.

CAU:5 (Truly Pomegranate)

Asides:

• Michelle Williams delightfully dissolves into her quirky character.
• That dude from Game of Thrones is foooine (the irony of objectification here is not lost on me)
• In the bikini contest Schumer’s hotness wasn’t even close to ironic, she was fly as hell!
• She also had a spray tan. If you’re insecure at all (and pale) get a spray tan. It will make you feel fly as hell too. (And real tans are very bad for your skin.)
• I would not have seen this movie in the theater if not for Movie Pass. (I’d love to tell you that’s an affiliate link, but it’s not. Movie Pass affiliates can’t use profanity on their blogs. To which I say, fuck that.)
• I would not have spent 5 dollars more than the price of the ticket (with tip) on a glass of pinot noir at a Marcus theater tonight if not for Movie Pass.