Christian Grey Has Light Hair, Dude

CAU:2

Ever since the casting for the Fifty Shades of Grey movie was announced, people have been losing their freakin’ minds.

Now, in the interest of full disclosure (and in part to pat myself on the back) I have to tell you that I’ve been pulling for Charlie since I heard the book was optioned last year. Don’t get me wrong, Matt Bomer and Ian Somerhalder are grade-A hotties, but I’ve never really understood why people were pulling so hard for them.

In a petition launched by someone for whom I hope English is a second language (and if you read it you’ll understand why), it states that, “Matt Bomer is the PERFECT DESCRIPTION OF CHRISTIAN GREY,” which despite their shouty capitals is incorrect.

Matt Bomer is just about as close as man can get to physical perfection. He’s got amazing symmetry, and the contrast of his blue eyes and near-black hair is practically universally appealing. Here’s the problem, within the first few pages of the book Christian is described as having “dark copper hair,” and gray eyes. Dark copper hair is still in the light-hair category. I know that his hair color alone doesn’t seem like enough to discount him, but his hair gets brought up multiple times, and it’s never dark brown to black.

There’s a reason these seemingly small physical attributes get brought up right away in a novel; it helps the reader to create an image in their head. And someone with dark copper hair and gray eyes looks a lot different in my mind than a guy with black hair and blue eyes. They’re completely different characters, physically.

I’m sorry, Crazy Pants if you were using Matt Bomer as the archetype in your imagination while you were reading. Maybe I’m just lucky that what I had in my head through the three novels looked something more like Charlie Hunnam or Chris Hemsworth, but I think it comes from paying really close attention to the text.

Bottom line, Charlie is gonna be great in this. Anyone who’s seen Sons of Anarchy knows this guy can act his tatts off. He’s got palpable intensity–you feel this guys conflict–but he can flip a switch and in an instant be incredibly boyish and charming. Sound awfully similar to a certain Mercurial character we know? Damn skippy.

Maybe I’ll just let John Boone and the pictures do the talking.

Rock on Charlie, just make sure you point your feet straight. You’re wonderful and I say this with love, but you tend to walk and sit a bit duck-footed. I know it’s just the way you’re made, but you also have a Geordie accent that you seem to hide that pretty well when necessary. So yeah, Christian Grey ought not be flopping around like Charlie Chaplin. Sorry if that was rude. You’re lovely.

-BB